The Face in the Mirror

All the self-help books and inspirational speakers tell you to confront the face in the mirror– to be honest with yourself. As nice and helpful as this insight may be, it overlooks one obvious and essential truth: the face you see in the mirror is not the face that others see. You see yourself in reverse. Left is right and right is left.

Try this little test: watching yourself in the mirror, touch your left ear. The person looking back at you will touch her or his right ear. This is actually why when most of us look at a portrait of ourselves, we have this odd sense that something is amiss, but can’t quite say why. It’s because you’re not accustomed to seeing the true you, you’re accustomed to seeing the reverse you.

The real truth is that no matter how well we know ourselves, others know some things about us better and more accurately than we do. Sometimes this is because we are too modest, sometimes it’s because we’re not being modest enough, but mostly because others have a perspective we simply do not.

There’s an even more important reason why you need to ask others who you really are.
You see, many of the things you do really well come so easily to you that you don’t even recognize them as remarkable. “That’s no big deal,” we’re inclined to say, even when it is a big deal.

Heck, you think, anybody can make a speech, anybody can solve complex problems, anybody can sell real estate, anybody can argue an appeal. Well, no, actually not everybody can do these things, at least not very well. But you can, and often you need an outsider to tell you so.

Your particular bundle of giftedness, your unique experiences, and your particular training, whether formal or informal, make you different from everyone else on the planet. You, more than anyone else, are more apt for certain callings and contributions. But by looking only in your own mirror, you’ll never fully realize the extent of that.

The task for all of us, of course, is to figure out exactly who we are and why we were created exactly as we are. What is our true calling and purpose? And while we may have a pretty good idea, we need the input of others to get a full and accurate picture.

But there’s more. An common result of asking others to profile you is that they will generally self-recruit as your supporters and referrers. So not only will they clarify your giftings, they’ll put it in writing, and happily tell anyone who needs to know. This, in fact, is at the heart of Tom Stoyan’s sales coaching philosophy.

So if you really want to find out about the real you and your giftings, enough with the introspection– start asking others why you were put on this earth. The answers may surprise you in the most helpful ways.