If You Ask for Advice

This is not the Friday Briefing I had written for Christmas, but perhaps it’s a more valuable gift.

The original piece came very much from my heart, and encapsulated both my love of the original Christmas story and my revulsion at what has become of it. It was carefully and painstakingly crafted.

I knew it could be controversial, so I sent it out to my “board of critics”, a talented and perceptive team. All of them agreed it was an important message, and they all liked it, technically. But one was curiously silent, and another raised a strong note of caution, saying that there was a real risk of hurting readers. I heard her out, and couldn’t disagree with her. So, I didn’t publish it.

In its place, let me share what I was reminded about giving and getting advice.

We all do well to reach out to trusted advisors when we are unsure about a step we are contemplating. The real trick, though, is how we respond to the response.

It would be simple and cozy to surround ourselves with “advisors” who are always going to shower us with affirmation and praise, but they’re not really advisors, are they? Advisors who are worth their salt are sometimes going to tell us what we don’t want to hear. If we’re wise, we’re going to listen carefully.

This is not to say that we must always follow the advice we are given. Sometimes we need to thank our “board of critics”, but nevertheless go with our original instincts. Other times we need to act on the advice. But either way, we should never lightly dismiss the words of those whose opinions we have asked.

Why?

First, to ask for advice is to impose on another’s time and resources. While we may choose to ignore what they say, we should do so cautiously and graciously, especially if we hope to drink again from that well.

Second, you have chosen your advisors because you respect and trust them. These are people who “get it”, and their instincts are good. To dismiss their advice out of hand is not only discourteous, it is folly.

Third, you have chosen your advisors because they represent a spectrum of strengths, opinions, and outlooks. Thus, you shouldn’t be surprised to get a “minority report”, and this is exactly why you picked your team!

The dilemma arises when you get a strong “minority report”, someone seeing a trip wire where the others may not have. The key is proportionality. In my case, the danger which was flagged was sufficiently high, namely gratuitously hurting readers, that I had to reconsider. Perhaps she was right, perhaps she was wrong, but the only things at stake here were my pride and the time I had invested. As against the risk of offending or hurting readers and friends, was it worth it to move forward?

Seeking and acting upon advice from a team often presents us with hard choices, but it’s always easier than picking up broken glass.

Oh, yes. And after all that “bah humbug” stuff, I still want to wish you the very best Christmas ever, and the most successful and satisfying New Year! Be blessed.