The Brat as Client

Spoiled brats get older, but they never grow up.

And when they get older, and mommy and daddy aren’t there to coddle them, they’ll turn to you. They will need professional services, and they will show up at your office. And they will arrive at your office already knowing the following:

1. This is a very simple matter and will only take a few minutes of your time.

2. They really don’t need your services. They could do all this themselves except for some stupid rules.

3. They’re smarter than you, and already know all the answers. This is just an unfortunate formality. You should be honoured.

4. Your fees are outrageous.

If you are dumb enough to accept their retainer, here’s what you will quickly discover:

1. You’re probably not their first. And their unfortunate experience with the previous incompetents has made them supervigilant, distrustful, and in need of some coddling.

2. By the time you get involved, the client has annoyed pretty well everyone you need to work with.

3. Whatever time limits are attached to their problems are either fully expired or almost so. By taking on their matter, you make their time management failure your professional nightmare.

4. Their matter is far more important than all the stuff that’s already on your desk, and it’s only reasonable that you’ll drop everything else to attend to them right away.

5. Given the urgency of the matter, the brat client will somehow find your home and mobile phone numbers and call you at all hours of the evening and weekend. After all, they’re paying you really good money, and you’re good buddies, aren’t you?

Extracting yourself from a brat file usually involves one or more of the following:

1. Talking a key staff member out of quitting or drinking poison.

2. Burning a whole lot of credit with a partner or colleague reviewing the matter to ensure you can get out with minimum damage.

3. Hours and hours and hours of vitriolic correspondence and threats by the client.

4. Ensuring your file will stand up to investigation by your professional body. And then dealing with the professional body.

5. Writing off all your time.

6. The occasional thought that suicide might be an easier option.

Should you take on a brat client? Seriously?