Wrecking Square Pegs
Paul Collins, writing about autists, says “Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It’s that you’re destroying the peg.”
Collins’ dictum brought me up short, not because I’ve had that much experience with the autistic, but because I’ve had considerable experience hammering square pegs into round holes. As a teacher, then as a lawyer, and as a parent, a spouse, and a friend. My vision of what’s good for someone else is not necessarily (or even very often) what’s actually good for them. But dammit, I’m going to make it happen!
Fathers in particular are hard on their sons, and I confess to considerable guilt on that count. There was a point in our relationship where I realized that my insistence on my son fulfilling my dreams was only driving a wedge, and I reluctantly backed off. That he has turned out to be a leader in his profession, a model husband, a wonderful father, and a loving son (and much wiser than I) has mostly to do with his mother, but also somewhat to do with my luck in stopping trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole.
If only everyone around us would smarten up and become what we think they should be… No, actually not. I don’t know about you, but I’m not smart enough to be a god in charge of anyone else. The dear knows I have enough trouble with my own destiny!
Trying to change the world by nagging, badgering, and hammering will never succeed. All the rest of us are rebels by instinct, and will get our backs up even if we deeply understand that what the nagger wants is actually best.
Leading by example, paying forward, and quiet giving will change the world and those around us. As they say, you can pull a rope, but you can’t push it.