The Pig Behind the Lipstick

“You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.” Quite true, but the important thing is to ask why anyone would put lipstick on a pig in the first place.

You see, the lipstick guy has a goal: he wants to sell you his pig. But he knows you’re not in the market for a pig, so he needs a different conversation. He needs you to stop thinking “pig” and start thinking passionate pink, amazon blush or flaming cherry. The lipstick guy needs you to have non-piggy thoughts.

So you get “Yeah, but whatabout Hillary’s lipstick?” Suddenly the porcinicity of the creature behind the lipstick is no longer the issue– Hillary and all that baggage are the issue. If you fall for that, you just bought the pig.

Folks who stand on the pig’s left side will often try to shame you with, “Oh, I get it– you don’t think pigs are good enough for lipstick! Shame on you!” Now we’re not discussing pig, we’re into values and emotions. If they can get you sufficiently ashamed of yourself, you’ll buy the pig just to get away.

Folks who stand to the right of the pig are known to say, “Pig? What pig? There’s no pig there. Just lipstick. Many people are saying that. The pig is fake news”. After a while you start to wonder, “Is it me, or is it the pig?”.

And from those who stand even further to the right of the pig, you’ll hear “Are you disrespecting my pig, mister? Let’s step outside and settle this.” Whether you win or lose that fistfight, the pig is still wearing lipstick and you’ve got a black eye.

Of course there’s the “no lipstick” line– “No sir, there’s no lipstick there. Those beautiful red lips are entirely natural and very rare. But I like you, and I can let you have that dear old hog for only $799.99.”

Oh yes, PigAnon– they put lipstick on pigs to smoke out members of a secret society who meet at McDonald’s to abuse piglets. Hmmm, now that explains the Hamburglar’s mask and weird getup.

There are a hundred reasons to distract you from the pig and a thousand ways to do it, but all with one purpose– to get you to believe something other than the obvious.

So, the next time you see lipstick on a pig, remember the lesson: it’s still a pig.