Poker Face
In all the literature on communication, there’s not much said about the poker face. Pity.
All of us engage in negotiating and in persuasion. Lawyers in particular spend huge amounts of time discussing with counsel opposite potential resolutions to contentious issues, and those engaged in sales (or purchasers) play out their lives in face to face dealing, trying to find an optimum outcome for themselves or their client, which is also acceptable to the other side.
No more than you want your opponent to see your hand of cards, you don’t want your opponent to read your face to devine from your eyes what they aren’t hearing from your mouth. The best negotiators study the subtle changes in your expression for clues about whether their propositions are striking home, making you angry, or are futile.
This is not to suggest a stony or angry face. It’s important to engage your opponent’s eyes and to project that you are open, reasonable, sincere, and (most of the time) friendly. And while there’s a time and a place to play the hard-assed SOB, mostly you need to put yourself out there as reasonable, respectful, and open.
But never do you want to signal by your facial expression when your opponent is hitting you in a tender place. This is business, it’s not playing Battleship, and you don’t need to tell the other player that she’s sunk your cruiser. That’s for you to know and her to guess.
One can also apply this rule to hand gestures and body language and all manner of non-verbal communication. It’s said that dogs can smell fear, and you’d better believe that humans are every bit as good picking up body language cues.
Just as the great communicator chooses words and tone with the greatest care, so too do we need to choose our faces with equal attention.