On Outrage

It seems that everyone is outraged these days. Everybody is upset about something, everyone’s feelings seem to be deeply hurt. So, just a few thoughts on outrage, partly as a communication issue and partly as a personal growth piece.
But, first a bit of trivia, a juicy tidbit you can pull out the next time a wine and cheese event gets a bit slow. Our English word “outrage” you might think is derived from “out-rage”. As tempting as that theory may be, it’s not correct. Rather, it comes to us from Middle English which was, as you will recall, hugely influenced by Old Norman French. In that tongue the word was “oultrage”, that is, “being beyond”, from the word “oultre”, ultimately derived from the Latin “ultra”.

In other words, “outrage” began life meaning “too much”, “beyond the pale”, “out of bounds” and the like. It did not mean a fit of pique, which is the primary meaning today.

And interestingly enough, “rage” also came to us from Old French, and before that, from the Latin word “rabies” meaning “madness”. Keep that in mind next time somebody is in a rage!

But so much for background– in our world, outrage has become an everyday tool of communication, and as such, has lost its edge. If you’re in a snit, you won’t pay attention to my snit, because you’re too wrapped up in your hurt feelings to notice my hurt feelings.

There has always been and there will always be a place for righteous anger, but outrage is like a spice– most effective when used subtly and judiciously. Being in a frenzy all your waking hours is not only exhausting, it’s counterproductive.

So what do we do when we encounter outrage?

Well, your Mom was right – first take a deep breath and count to ten.

Next, try to understand if the person having a tantrum actually has a point. If so, use your communication skills to calm him down and assure him you care and that you are listening, but only if he brings down the decibels. If he can do that, hear him out. He may have something to say, and in any event you’ll make the world, and your corner of it, a better place just by letting him feel respected.

If, on the other hand, the individual having a tantrum is just a spoiled brat and is concerned about nothing but his selfish interests, get yourself away from the noise with as little cost and danger as possible.

But what about you and me? Should we use outrage as a legitimate tool of communication? Well, yes and no. (Did I just sound like a retired lawyer?)

As we’ve seen above, outrage is, by and large, useless. At best it lets off steam, at worst it gets you into deeper trouble and complicates an already bad situation. But there are exceptions.

There are times for outrage, for simply “going nuts”, but they are few and far between. There is a very simple test for when it’s right to go ballistic: if are you prepared to stake everything – your life, your reputation, your worldly goods– on a cause of which you are not the beneficiary, and some other person or group has been wronged so enormously that you cannot keep silent, then go for it, and die a hero.

If not, let’s all do the world a favour and keep the decibels down.