The Malignant Client
A client, by definition, is someone who comes to you seeking your professional help. They have a problem, or a need, which they hope to have solved by the application of your professional Giftings. If the client’s need is perfectly aligned with your particular Giftings, the client should be satisfied by the outcome, and you should be fairly compensated both financially and by a certain level of gratitude. And most of the time, that’s the way it works.
Of course, if your Giftings really aren’t suited to their needs, the outcome will be less propitious. If you’re in over your head, it’s nearly certain that the client will end up unhappy and probably angry, and you will end up with grief and no compensation.
But there is another scenario which can befall even smart professionals who generally are careful to work only in the narrow area of their Giftings, and that occurs when they encounter a malignant client. These people exist, just as surely as do pickpockets, internet scammers, and car thieves. In fact, they’re worse, because they’re not as interested in ill-gotten money so much as they want to hurt you to satisfy their emotional needs. To call them psychopathic would not be too extreme.
Young professionals, particularly in solo practice, are particularly vulnerable to these people. They know that you are eager for work and experience, need the money, and may not have developed the radar to detect their malevolence. So when they come to you promising a very significant piece of work, and flatter you that you will be their Messiah, it’s easy to let yourself be taken in.
These people come with all kinds of warning signs, of which some of the more important are:
1. They walk in with boxes of “evidence” or other preparatory material. It quickly becomes clear that this stuff is consuming their lives, and they eat, sleep, and dream it. When you tell them that it’s going to cost them something for you to “get up to speed”, they’re not happy.
2. There is almost always a conspiracy or some kind of malfeasance going on, involving politicians, church officials, or dog catchers.
3. They already know all the answers and have “done most of the paperwork”, they just need you to check it out and act as a front for them. If it’s a legal issue, they’ve already researched all the law that’s relevant, in their mind, including obscure statutes from Alaska and Botswana. If it’s engineering, they’ve already done all the math, don’t worry, no need to check it.
4. They’re temporarily between funds. A big cheque is coming in next month, a legal case in France will soon settle in their favour, and if none of those work, then you can take it on as a contingency matter. “Let’s split it 50/50 – this case is a slam dunk, I like you, and it’s not really about the money, it’s about the principle.”
5. This is the case that will make you famous. It’s unique, and when you pull it off successfully, your profession and the rest of the world will have to sit up and take notice.
6. You’re not their first. With very little probing, you’ll discover that they’ve already run through three or four or twelve other professionals, all of whom were incompetent idiots, and crooked to boot.
7. These people run in packs. The chances are that this loser was referred to you by another loser you’ve had the misfortune to know.
The malignant client will hurt you. Let me repeat that: the malignant client will hurt you. I didn’t say they might hurt you, they will hurt you. At the very, very least they will burn up some hours of your time, annoy your support staff, and spread bad gossip about you. And that’s if you quickly show them the door. Every minute you spend with them without showing them the door is one more inch into a trap and a disaster.
No good can ever come from taking on a malignant client. I speak from experience, as can any professional who has been in practice for more than a couple of months.
The more thorough your intake criteria, the better your chances of warding these people off before they can harm you. The more you teach your support staff about the characteristics of good and bad clients, the safer you will be.
In my early days of legal practice I had occasion to represent various “ladies of the night” under the quaint Canadian laws which permit prostitution but prohibit solicitation. These girls all had a saying, “Money talks, bullshit walks.” It took me years, regretfully, to understand that the oldest profession had something to teach the second oldest profession.
(This message is especially important for early-stage professionals. Do one a favour and pass this along.)