Advising, Coaching, and Mentoring

It’s easy to confuse advising, coaching, and mentoring, but they’re definitely not the same things. To be sure, while there is considerable overlap, there are also important differences.

Advisors, whether lawyers or financial advisors or policy whizzes, essentially tell you what to do or what is the best course. Once they’ve told you, their job is done. It’s up to you to apply their advice, or ignore it.

Coaches, on the other hand, generally don’t tell you what to do. Their job is not to fill the bucket. Rather, like good teachers, they lead you into discovery, asking questions, setting up learning, and encouraging you to move in a certain direction or acquire certain skills and knowledge. When you need information, they’ll offer it, or better still, show you how to find it. Your actual improvement must come from within, but the coach acts like a shepherd to get you to walk to the new pasture on your own legs.

Great mentors advise, and they coach, but they do much more. Great mentors are not afraid of taking ownership of your head and your heart. You become, in a real sense, their project. They invest themselves in you, your success is their success, they are the senior partners in the business of your life, except at the end of the day, the profit is all yours. They are not afraid to bully you when you need it, and to tell you important white lies long enough until they become true.

Great mentors lead by example. They are mentors precisely because they have walked the walk, fought the battles, and can show you their scars. If you can fill their shoes, they will be happy, and if you outgrow them, they will be happier still.

Great mentors know you better than you know yourself. They know your weaknesses, and rather than sheltering you, will often let you stumble and bruise yourself, then sit down with you to maximize the learning.

Great mentors often see themselves in you, but don’t try to create you in their own image. Often they will protect you from your “worst you”, because they know where your weaknesses can take you. And when they see strengths in you they wish they had, they are not jealous, but rather celebrate the wherewithal to create something they wish they could have been.

Great mentors see you as the culmination of their fondest dreams, allowing you to stand on their shoulders to reach heights which they never attained. You are, in a very real sense, their legacy.

And the funny thing about great mentoring is that it tends to replicate itself, generation after generation. Those who have been well mentored tend to mature into powerful mentors themselves. This is often the secret of the great professional and business organizations which endure seemingly forever.

Sometimes mentors will simply find their protégé, sometimes the disciple will find the master, sometimes (with varying degrees of success) the relationship will be set up by an outsider. The important thing, of course, is to ensure that the match is a good one, and that it happens.

In many cases the difficulty is in finding the mentor or protégé, or in figuring out how it’s supposed to work. If you need help in this regard, whether just in kick-starting something, or setting up terms of reference, or helping get the process going, let me know.