Wise Words About Words

You know those times you’re on a phone call, and after you’ve rattled on for five minutes you realize the other party has been disconnected for the last four? I think this is what the great communicator George Bernard Shaw had in mind when he said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” How often do we gabble on, assuming (wrongly) that our audience is “with us”? This is often even true when they’re sitting or standing right in front of us.

In a similar vein, Stephen Covey put it this way: “The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.” Watch most conversations and you’ll see that you have two non-listeners engaged in twin solo games where all they’re doing is waiting for the other guy to shut up so they can tell them something. When you’re talking, they haven’t “heard” a thing, and when they’re talking, ditto. Your mind isn’t working on what they’re saying, it’s working on your response. It goes without saying that no communication is happening.

Even if your conversation partner is in violent disagreement with you, take a tip from the great general Napoleon, who put it more cynically: “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” This is especially true for lawyers who, in court, can be seen trying to cut in or intervene or object when their opposition is making a botch of things.

In a similar vein, once in an algebra class I let a student fall asleep because I was pretty sure he was going to tumble onto the floor. He did. I could have intervened, but nothing I could have said would have been more effective than letting him do himself in.

On the subject of education, it was Einstein who said, “Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.” And no matter what you think of Elon Musk, he gets it right when he says, “Don’t mistake schooling for education. I didn’t go to Harvard but the people that work for me did.”

The great philosopher Rumi told us something very important, which should be obvious, except it isn’t: “The quieter you become, the more able you are to hear.” Every hunter knows this, but not every conversationalist.

With his usual clever wit, Mark Twain told us, “Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.” Nuff said.