He Could Have Let the Bed Get Cold
It was my first divorce case. My client was a middle-aged nurse, and as such was pretty resilient and pragmatic. If anybody knows how to deal with the stinky stuff life can throw at you, it’s nurses. So, with her “life is life” attitude, she was prepared to work through the mechanics of custody, access, support and property division, and get on with things.
Except for one thing.
“You know,” she said quietly, staring blankly at some distant object, “at least he could have let the bed get cold.”
And so the simple divorce got ugly. No quarter was asked or given.
Because he had frolicked with a bimbo in the matrimonial bed while his wife was at work, the husband in my divorce case learned that there are smart ways and there are stupid ways to end a relationship. In his case, no breaks were extended or accepted, everything was by the book, and it didn’t help him much that the judge was a stern old Irish Catholic.
Life is like that. Relationships come and relationships go, but how they end can make all the difference. Rubbing salt in the wound of a broken relationship is never smart. Showing a little consideration and even biting your tongue may seem difficult at the time, but inevitably will pay dividends. Even if you look past the spiritual or ethical considerations (you shouldn’t), showing some grace is just smart.
One of my early mentors, a master negotiator, used to say, “Never take the last dime off the table.” He was right– an opponent who feels they were skinned will find ways to spike the deal, and you will regret it.
It doesn’t cost much to show respect to all, enemies as well as friends, especially when ending a relationship. The price of spite, greed or disrespect will always be more than you had counted on.