The Eyes Have It
The eyes are the windows of the soul. This is why we find it jarring when someone speaks to us without making any eye contact– a key signal of sincerity is missing. Similarly, when I am speaking to you, if I don’t check in on your eyes and face I miss most of your important feedback cues.
But notice we use the terms any and check in, not locked-on! There’s good eye contact, and there’s bad. Nothing is as communication-unfriendly as inappropriate eye contact. The gawk, the leer, the glower, the stare and the glare– these are conversation killers, at the very least, and in less polite society can lead to fist fights. You don’t want to be there.
So what makes the difference? You guessed it: respect. If I respect you and I respect myself, then my eye contact will be confident, appropriate and welcomed– even in the hard conversations. Disrespectful eye contact gets the response it deserves.
Find eye contact a difficult thing? Like everything in life, habits are changed by practice — so every time you’re alone in front of a mirror, take five seconds to look yourself squarely in the eye. And give yourself a wink and a grin– you deserve it!