The Peril of Loaded Questions

Every law student learns about the classic loaded question, “Sir, when did you stop beating your wife?” The question has many faults, not the least of which is that it proposes an assumed fact without first having established its truth.

Questions which propose assumed facts, or which pack an accusation, are dangerous and are generally best left unasked. For example, “So what’s your excuse this time?” may be dressed up with a question mark, but it’s really a bundle of two accusations– first, that the respondent has failed, second, that he is in the habit of offering up lame alibis.

It’s natural to respond negatively to loaded questions because they elicit memories of being scolded as a child: “How many times have I told you to clean your room?!?!?!?!” We didn’t like it then and we don’t like it now.

Because such “questions” are usually blurted in anger, there is a high risk of their being counterproductive– they are the equivalent of drinking rat poison, hoping the rat will die. You can end up looking the fool. At the least, the recipient takes it in sullen silence or festering hurt. At the worst, a fight breaks out and a relationship is ruined.

So before we steam into a co-worker’s office bellowing, “How much longer do I need to put up with your loud music?”, let’s slow it down just a bit and try this:

1. Take a moment to analyse what the problem really is, and who owns it. In the example, the problem is not the loud music, the problem is that it bothers you (and probably others).

2. If there are preliminary facts, establish them first. Intelligently.

3. Figure out how to sort things out without jamming the other guy into a corner. “Jim, I kinda like your music, too, but I’m making sales calls this morning and the music makes it hard for me to focus– could I get you to notch it down just a tad or two?”

Obviously, the more entrenched the undesirable behaviour or the less mature your opposite number, the more carefully you need to consider the approach. But that’s for another Friday!

The proverb says, “A soft answer turneth away wrath.” It’s corollary would probably say, “A well-framed question doesn’t stir up anger.”