On Being a Rat in Alberta

Bynormbowley

For rats in Alberta, 2020 was the best year in a long time. Their population doubled to twenty-six, although only one at a time. The bad news for the rats is that was as good as it got. As each one snuck into the province on a truck or a railway car, it was quickly spotted and killed.

On a map of the populated world, there is one, and only one, region which can actually claim to have no breeding population of rats. And that’s Alberta.

Alberta is a really tough place to be a rat, even for a couple of hours. All of the power of the provincial government is out to get you. If a human even harbours a rat, he will face a serious fine and even jail time. If you don’t rat on a rat, you’ll face deep opprobrium.

Alberta spends significant money on ensuring that no rat gets a foothold (or clawhold) in the province. There are anti-rat professionals continuously on a mission, with traps, guns, and poison. The laws are positively draconian– in Alberta, it’s a tossup whether it’s more prudent to rob a bank or harbour a rat. Simply put, the province doesn’t fool around, as a result of which they’ve not had a surviving family of rats in over seventy years.

So, how do four and a half million people in a geographical area larger than France, get and maintain this impossible distinction of seventy continuous rat-free years? Well, in simple terms, these seem to be the rules:

1. Understand what needs to be done

2. Resolve to do it

3. Be willing to pay the price, no matter what

4. Apply the money, time, and effort that it takes

5. Allow no exceptions

6. Never relent, not for a second

Actually, come to think of it, that sounds like the secret to most difficult challenges. Right?

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