Bully Words
Once upon a time I got to examine a Rottweiler’s tonsils up close. Very close. Too close.
It went like this: I was visiting a client’s rural property when he suggested I bang on the glass of a door leading to a darkened back porch. I did so, and in an instant, a massive Rottie came out of the darkness to slam his gaping, raving, fang-filled jaws against the too-thin window between us. But for that bit of glass, I’d have become his supper. The client thought it was funny. The unexpected violence left me shaken and I ditched the client.
You and I encounter two-legged Rottweilers every day, aggressive verbal bullies who try to make you cringe in order to control you. Spoiled children who have always had their way, they burst into a tantrum if things don’t go to their satisfaction. Some of them even have Twitter accounts labeled #DealRonaldDump, or whatever. You know the type.
The arsenal of the verbal bully includes machine-gun rhythm, screeching, turning up the volume, steamrolling over any attempted response, blowing chaff to ensure you “don’t get a word in edgewise”, mockery, non-sequiturs and plenty of “whatabouts”. Reason, logic, and empathy have no place in this game. It’s communication artillery.
How do you survive these monsters? There are no simple answers, but a few suggestions are these:
1. If at all possible, walk away. You’d do the same for a skunk.
2. If circumstances don’t permit you to walk away, don’t play their game. They’re good at it, you’re not. Play your game, by your rules.
3. Control your emotions. Their game plan is to make you fearful or angry so that you respond irrationally. If that happens, they win.
4. Be very clear about what you need from this encounter. If the answer is “nothing”, walk away. There’s nothing to win and much to lose.
5. If you really need something from the encounter, make it proceed on your terms, or walk away. Tell them that when they are finished being rude and obnoxious you want to have a discussion, but they have to show you respect and play by the rules. If you can out-wait them, you’ll likely succeed. If you can’t, walk away.
6. When a pause actually occurs, ask them if they are finished. Tell them that it is now your turn, and ask if they will give you as much courtesy as you gave them. Their vanity will force them to agree, then hold them to the bargain, again and again.
7. Never betray your principles or your true self. You are better than they.
8. If you frequently find yourself in this situation, there is probably something special going on. Acquire some special skills. These are related to hostage situations, and beyond the scope of this discussion. Let’s talk.
Bottom line: unless you are trapped in a situation where you cannot escape, walk away. Don’t waste your time with brats. But if you’re trapped, honour who you are and continue to insist that they treat you as they expect to be treated.