The Client from Hell

Some of the most wonderful clients in the world came to me in my nearly four decades of legal practice, and many remain dear friends to this day. By and large, I was privileged and blessed. But there were others…..

Like every other professional, I had my share of Clients From Hell. Especially in the early days.

The most cogent feature of the Client From Hell is that he insists on controlling every aspect of your professional relationship. If he’s involved in litigation, he will tell you the facts he thinks are relevant and hide everything else. He will tell you what law is applicable (having scoured the internet) and why he could not possibly lose the case. He will provide you with draft pleadings– hundreds of pages of inflammatory, non-spellchecked, paranoid outrage.

Even at the outset, he fights you on your request for photo ID (as required by the Law Society) on the basis it’s an invasion of his privacy. He never does sign the engagement letter, and when you ask him for his retainer cheque, he’ll tell you, “Oh, I gave it to your girl (sic). She must have lost it.”
He misses key dates, but then shows up on a busy afternoon asking for just a few seconds of your time. If you say yes, you won’t get home until after dark, still angry that you listened to yet another rehash of his conspiracy theories. For free.

Of course, he doesn’t pay you. Why should he, after all, when you’ve done such a lousy job? “In fact,” says the CFH, “I have half a mind to report you to the Law Society.”
Every profession has its own flavour of Clients From Hell. They all show up at the accountants’ offices with a plastic bag full of loose paper on the last day of tax season. When they come to the architect’s office, they’ve already outraged everybody in the Buildings Department at City Hall. And wait till you hear from the teachers, who can’t even defend themselves.

There are three key defences against the Client From Hell. The first is the little voice in your head, to which you must listen. It sounds a lot like your mother and her opinion of some of your school friends. She was right, of course.

The second line of defence is your front-line staff. They see and hear a lot of stuff you won’t see or hear, and they have keen judgment of character. You should listen to them.

But the third, and most important, is your application of the Principle of Alignment, that is, making sure that you are practising exactly within the scope of your personal and professional giftings. This leads invariably to a powerful reputation for excellence in a very specific field, and this means that you will have more people begging for your services than you can possibly handle, and this means that you can pick and choose the very best clients with whom you will work.